Random Rooms
by SapSorrow
Summary: Inspired by a reference in TOS to the fact that The Enterprise has a bowling alley - got me wondering - what other curious rooms are there on board? So here are some little fics of many genres, mostly crack, dedicated to the curious and unexpected corners of our favourite starship! And as always in these crack fics some gentle Spirk and even gentler Chulu!
1. The Bowling Alley

**Random Rooms**

**The Bowling Alley**

"Say Spock – you want to go bowling Friday?"

It occurs to Kirk that it sounds almost better to be asking the question than it would be to actually make use of The Enterprise's on- board bowling alley. It sounds cool, like the casual drawl of the youth of a dozen bad and extremely old earth movies. It conjures up images of a laid back, casual childhood – a childhood he never actually had and is enjoying imagining.

Spock blinks rapidly, looking up from his work station as though working out in his mind both what the question means, refers to and would ultimately entail.

"I do not know" he replies carefully – "I would have to engage in further research this thing you call bowling"

"Geez Spock you don't need to research it! You just go do it!"

"Captain I am sure I would need first to know exactly what it was I was doing –"

"Kind of a no – brainer Spock, you just go along, throw some balls, eat some curly fries and push some buttons on some –" Kirk stops just shy of saying either "Jukebox" or "Slot machine" realising as he speaks the nightmare that would be entailed in explaining either of these things to Spock.

"Well I can't speak for the Vulcan Jim but I'll sure as hell join you. I had a helluva throw in my day" chimes in Bones. Inwardly Kirk sighs, Bones having just utterly ruined any potential dating aspect the event could have had but on the other hand it's better than just having Spock frown at him as though he has suggested a bouncy castle afternoon. Kirk forces himself to stop smirking at the image of Spock on a bouncy castle and swivels round to grin at Bones instead –

"Thank you Bones! Thank you for playing! Okay who else is up for it? Tomorrow night, bowling alley on Deck twenty one?"

Everyone else, it appears is up for it, Sulu quietly asserts that he will destroy them all, Uhura says nothing knowing that actually _she _will be the one to do that and Bones threatens to make Chekov his next patient if he even begins to suggest that the first bowling alleys were built in Moscow. Chekov sullenly mumbles something about St Petersburg but otherwise the decision to make this an event goes through without incident.

The next day is Friday and in the afternoon Kirk sidles up to Spock's station, breezily feigning casual disinterest –

"So Spock –" he begins, resting his elbows on Spock's shiny work surface – "You – er – given any more thought to our bowling proposal tonight?"

"I have indeed Captain –" Spock says, neutral as ever and continuing to not even look away from his work as he speaks – "I have researched this past – time or perhaps tradition of yours thoroughly and perceive it to be considered both an amusing diversion and an effective team building exercise –"

"So….?"

"So, though we are already in possession of a highly effective team, I have concluded that, in the spirit of testing all new potential diversions that may prove beneficent –"

"Good god man!" yells Bones from across the Bridge – "Are you coming bowling or not?"

"I will join you on this occasion Captain" Spock concludes.

"Good man!" Kirk slaps him on the shoulder in what Spock has long ago worked out is, curious though it seems, a gesture of camaraderie in humans – "You're on my team though" he grins, returning to his chair with an amazing grin on his face.

Later that night, in the bowling alley Bones staunchly refuses to be on Kirk and Spock's team, leading Spock to wonder for some time exactly what he meant by "Going all mushy on each other". They take Uhura instead and consequently utterly destroy the opposing team despite Sulu's unparalleled efforts.

"High five Spock!" Kirk whoops, holding up his hand. Spock stares at it curiously.

"Slap my hand in celebration!" Kirk clarifies.

"Captain why would I do such a thing?" Spock frowns in deepest puzzlement when to a Vulcan such a gesture would be indicative of a brief yet somewhat violent make out session.

For ten minutes the rest of the crew sit back, eating replicator curly fries and watching as their Captain teaches the First Officer the complex technicalities of the high five.

Later Kirk is delighted to hear Spock's conclusive analysis on the evening's diversion which is that –

"It appears to bordering on the pointless and yet as you strangely diverting and I would not be one hundred percent adverse to attempting it again."

_x_

**So this is an idea I've been brewing since the episode "The Naked Time" in which we find out that there is apparently a bowling alley on Deck 21 of The Enterprise. For some reason this amused me deeply and I got to wondering what other weird rooms there might be that one might not expect on a star ship. So I'm doing a bunch of silly ficlets about them. Obviously I had to start with the bowling alley. If anyone has any suggestions I'm willing to take any that are feasible!**

**Also – I've posted it here – but I'm hearing the characters in this more as they are in TOS than reboot. I think. Anyone? :-) **


	2. The Music Room

**Well this always happens to me, I said this was gonna be a crack fic and then I write a chapter and it comes out totally serious and kinda feelsy. Still, here t'is.**

**(If you possibly can, listen to Beethoven's "Appassionata" and read this at the same time, it's not completely necessary but may enhance the read!)**

**The Music Room #1.**

It begins quietly enough, an uneventful night that sees most of the alpha shift kicking back, having some drinks and talking or playing cards in the rec room on deck three.

It begins with three soft notes, gentle chords drifting softly from the music room across the hall, a slow innocuous suggestion of tune that creeps through the closed door of the music room and across this part of the ship. Slow but struggling with tension, darker and darker notes creeping, none too gradually in until the listeners feel on edge from it, until you can tell that the player is tensely balanced on a tightrope of technical perfection and broiling anger. Barely a minute of this before the music comes crashing in in short tense staccato bursts, alternately lulling the listener into edgy moments of false security and jagged bursts of angry slamming upon the keys of the piano.

Even before the tune begins to slide in through the chords most of the rec room has paused in what they are doing to listen, wondering as they do who on the ship can play like that, how angry they have to be to play like that and what can have made them angry enough to play like that. Several of them marvel in the knowledge that they would probably never be able to plumb a depth of emotion to play so furiously or indeed ever have that inside them.

When the tune fully slides in it is a relief to all, you can hear it in the player as he surely sways very slightly to its dancing beat, hear the pauses and the trembling between the violently dancing fingers. But it increases, it comes on in waves, surely the player is in a trance with it, eyes closed, head floating on that space of music that carries you like the sea, weathering a year's worth of storms and stills in the space of these few minutes.

But each new crash and cascade of notes as the music rises can only remind the player how angry they are, how their own internal sea storms and heaves and trembles in teetering carefully controlled rushes of note that sound terribly like threats. Then the tune is back and it is angry, that calming influence, all that carefully controlled sound at war with the crashing chords and surely the war must rage from the heart that plays. You cannot play this with your fingers, it only can come from the heart. And yet for all of the rage in the music you could not be ruled in this by heart alone; you must force it down so that the brain can remember, order, tension, balance, control, the heart surges but it must be put down enough to play the melody right. And the melody is right, not a note is dropped or missed.

But there is bitterness here, yes and seething rage and all must be both concealed and revealed to create the perfect harmony, they must play alongside until the storm abates and these beautiful moments of crystal clarity can shine through and surely – you come to think – one person alone cannot be playing this to get it perfectly – you would need two, one to be the mind and one to be the heart for surely both cannot exist in such extremes within one vessel.

It calms. Then is begins again. Rise and fall, rise and fall. And rise and rise in an ecstasy of catharsis as the first movement rushes to its close in a scream of sound and fury like a warrior reaching breaking point and hurling themselves berserk into battle seconds before the battle ends.

Everyone in the rec room seems to heave a collective sigh as the piece enters its second movement, a movement like still upon the sea, gentle ripples of waves and the sun coming out across the surface, covering up those frightening depths.

"Wouldn't want to get on their bad side" murmurs Dr McCoy as he returns to his brandy, feeling after that like having sailed a violent sea, and feeling rather queasy from it. He puts his finished drink down on the table, bids his crew mates a courteous goodnight and steps out into the corridor.

"Jim?" he exclaims – "What the devil are you doing down there?"

The Captain is sat on the floor, the very picture of a washed out and discarded toy, leaning his forehead against the cool smoothness of the wall just beside the music room door.

"If I was a different person – and I didn't know Spock – I'd say he was doing it on purpose to make me feel like shit" he sighs, turning to look at the doctor, smiling so weakly McCoy knows he really is upset. Kirk squeezes his eyes shut tight for several seconds because they seem to be prickling. McCoy frowns –

"That's _Spock?" _he boggles.

Kirk raises an eyebrow in silent affirmation –

"Well who else on this ship can pull of a perfect Appasionata? Oh for _fuck's_ sake –" he groans as the calming lull of the second movement comes to a close and the last movement springs straight in upon its heels like an angry dog that doesn't want to give up and this time it's a no – hold's – barred flurry of savage playing, the definitive musical _fuck this shit and fuck you all _Kirk thinks aware that his interior monologue is a whole lot less eloquent than the outer one that Spock is delivering.

"You know you could just go in there and say you're sorry" suggests McCoy.

"Three minutes into the third movement - are you shitting me? He'd tear me a new one."

McCoy pats him on the shoulder –

"Y'know sometimes I think you and I know two different Spocks". Kirk looks at him incredulously and rolls his eyes at the doctor's slowness. As if after all this time he has not noticed that there _are _two different Spocks at war behind that calm façade.

"I'll be fine Bones" Kirk adds with a sigh – "I'll give it five minutes – then it'll be safe to go in."

"You take care Jim" McCoy pats him again as he heads off down the corridor – "Goodnight".

"'night Bones" Kirk floats the words out after him absently, getting to his feet as his friend departs, taking advantage of a brief lull in the music to rise steadily. It hurts, every angry rush of notes that dash their way to the close is like Spock is shouting at him. He rather wishes Spock _would_ just shout at him. The annoyance expresses so much more hurt than words. The music rushes faster and faster, that curious balance of passionate rage and technical perfection – complete musical harmony. Kirk is surprised that whatever is being released in this outpouring could not take on a life of its own and start stalking the halls of the ship.

Well the way things go around here it possibly could.

When the last chords come crashing down Kirk gives it the several moments that he knows he would need if he had just made that musical outpouring. Then he gives it the time he can feel it taking for Spock, reaching out just tentatively enough to hear a not quite worded affirmative in Spock's head that yes, it's alright for him to enter now.

When he goes in Spock is just closing the piano lid calmly, turning around on the stool to look up at him expectantly. He knows what he is going to say, has been able to hear him saying it ever since they stormed off in opposite directions earlier that evening.

"Spock I'm sorry" Kirk says, simply.

Spock nods and though his face never changes Kirk can feel him smile gently. Can feel too that now, finally the calm exterior extends all the way into him, washed clean by music.

"Yes Jim" he says and there is a warm calm to the tone of it that is all the forgiveness Kirk could need – "I know."

_x_

**So this took root in an idea given me by WeirdLittleStories (Thank you!) and then kinda grew into its own beast! One of my favourite things about Spock is his musicality and I got really hooked on the idea of him doing something as majorly emotional as Beethoven's Appassionata. If this chapter seems kinda rushed it's because I basically wrote it with the piece playing at the same time, with a few pauses and minimal redrafting to try and make a written equivalent of the sonata. I hope it works! If it does I may revisit this room in a later chapter (I very nearly had him do Rachmaninov's 3****rd**** in D Minor but that just seemed **_**too **_**hard core!) **

**Before I lose everyone in the wake of my classical music nerdery however I will probably stick to your regularly scheduled crack in the next chapter for I believe we have a swimming pool to visit….! :-)**

**Thank you all and good night!**


	3. Room of Requirement

**This is madness! Pure madness! I cannot apologise enough!**

**Room of Requirement**

"Captain all my readings are proving only that this room cannot technically or possibly exist upon this ship" Spock announces, standing up straight in the corridor outside the door to the room of requirement that has sprung up there over the last few days.

Spock and Kirk have gone to the door, currently situated on deck four after more and more of the crew have started talking excitedly about a new room they have discovered on the ship – except that it has been a different room for everyone who has encountered. For Sulu it was, as he reported the "the weapons training room of dreams" where all manner of interplanetary and historical weapons had been available for training in amongst the most fantastical botanical garden. For Scotty it had contained the most amazing array of bottles of antique Scotch, and he had got lost there for a entire weekend. Chekov had insisted, bizarrely, that it was the exact same bedroom he had had as a child and Uhura, who had suddenly started contemplating a need for sushi had found the most amazing sushi bar she had never known existed.

"So it's official then – this room does not actually exist?" Kirk pronounces frowning.

"Indeed Captain, nor should it need to when we have fully functioning simulator rooms on other of the recreation decks."

"Spock, your conclusions?"

"All I can imagine captain is that we have once again fallen prey to the – I must say – more than usually nonsensical whim of a fan fiction author."

"Again?" Kirk groans – "After all the madness they got up to with my shirts? And the slash fic? And - and – I just can't Spock, I don't know if I even _can _any more with these fanfic writers – seriously I mean look how they're making me talk? I don't even know if I'm Shatner or Pine anymore!"

"I concur Captain, I do seem to have found myself saying "Logical" every few words – and I believe there are people out there trying to get me in a Romantic scenario with Lietenant Uhura!"

"I know what this is Captain!" announces Scotty, running excitedly up the corridor towards them – "I've been looking into the problem we have here and it seems that this here door is the result of someone rudely slipping a cross–over chapter into a non cross over piece of fiction! This room belongs to the Harry Potter fandom!"

"Well then what the devil's it doing on my ship?"

"Fanfic writers captain" Scotty shakes his head in interminable despair – "Fanfic writers. There's no cure for it I'm afraid"

"Well I suppose it can't hurt –" Kirk begins at which point a girl with pale hair and a dreamy expression pops through the door, looks curiously from one of them to another, says –

"Oh I'm so sorry – wrong fandom" and dives back through the door again.

"This is becoming ridiculous" Kirk announces.

"This thing goes both ways?" Scotty frowns, looking fascinated at the same time – "I always wanted to visit Hogwarts as a boy!"

"Scotty I'm warning you –"

"There has to be a logical explanation for this!" Says Dana Scully, suddenly appearing for no reason from inside the room.

"No –" Spock says slowly – "No this time I suspect very much not –" then adding for very little reason beyond that of bad writing – "Most illogical."

The crew of The Enterprise sit tight and wait for the madness to pass.

_x_

**I don't know, I seem to be suffering from the most terrible crack attack. I don't know why this happened. **

**On the plus side I'm contemplating using the previous chapter as the first chapter of a new fic in which I explore the Spock - playing – music theme through a selection of different pieces of music – what do people think? **

**I apologise again for this :-)**


End file.
